The Choices We Make
by lovetoreadseverusdotcom
Summary: Harry and Draco are bonded but have a difference of opinion on a touchy subject. One-shot...for now. Drarry.


**The Choices We Make**

I drown another shot of firewhiskey at the bar as another person comes up to congratulate me on my award. I plaster a smile on my face and say thank you like I am supposed to do, but all I really want to do is go home and drown my sorrows in booze. I continue to stare into the glass in front of me, wondering how my life turned out this way. Everything was perfect up until a few months ago. A few months ago, I was happy and loving life. Now, now I do not want to love life.

Life is cruel and I should have known that the happily ever after was not going to be in the cards dealt for me in this life. Life sure does like to tease me though, tease me with what and who could have been my happily ever after. I don't want to get out of bed most days anymore and I have officially quit the Auror's after failing to try and get up to go to work every day. It was easier to just put in my resignation than to have my partners at my door every morning dragging me out of bed and to work. Life is not for me anymore and I do not know what I am going to do.

I am immersed in my thoughts when I feel that familiar tingle one gets when their bonded is close by. My heart skips a beat and a shiver runs down my spine. I know he is here. I can feel him and I am scared to turn around to meet his eyes. I can tell he has spotted me already as I can feel his eyes glowering into my back, begging me to turn around and look at him. I slowly turn my stool around and face the direction of the entrance. I look up and instantly meet the eyes of the person of my thoughts. I grimace as our eyes meet. I can see the pain on his face all the way from across the hall. I am sure my face reflects the same pain. He looks immaculate, as always. But I know better. I know there are bags under his eyes and it looks like he has lost some weight since the last time I have seen him. He is wearing a glamour. A good glamour, I would say and he must feel confident enough about it to think I would not notice it. But I know. I always know when it comes to him. He is a part of me, just like I am a part of him and I am sure he can see my glamour also. My glamour is hiding the bags under my eyes but also the amount of weight I have lost in the past few months.

I plaster a small smile on my face and swivel my stool around and order another shot of firewhiskey. I feel tears well up in my eyes as I take the shot. I rub my hands down my face, wishing for my feelings to strengthen out so I can get some resemblance of myself back. I feel my chest getting hotter, meaning that my bonded is moving closer to where I am. I feel like I am about to start hyperventilating as I start to clutch at my chest and I attempt to pull myself together before he reaches me. I quickly wipe the tears that escaped away and try to act like I am not dying inside.

"Harry?" My bonded says next to me and i tilt my head to the side, indicating that my bonded has my attention.

"Draco." I say with trepidation.

"How have you been?"

"I think you know the answer to that."

"I do."

I swivel my stool around until I am facing Draco. I look him straight in the eyes and with the hurt showing in my voice I say, "Then why ask me how I am doing when you know the answer to that question."

"I don't know, Harry," he says with just as much hurt in his voice, "I miss you and I was hoping we could talk about what happened."

"There is nothing to talk about, Draco." I say with resignation.

"There is a lot to talk about, Harry. I want to talk about it. We _need _to talk about it." Draco says with so much hurt that I decided to take a hard look at Draco's demeanor. He has most definitely lost weight, a lot of weight. I can see past his glamour and to the purple circles under his eyes. They are a deep purple, indicating restless sleep and possibly nightmares for Draco. I want to reach out to him and cradle his body close to mine. I want to feel his body heat against my own and I want to kiss away the fears that I can feel emitting off his body. It's a struggle to keep my hands to myself and I have to place my arms around one another in order to not react to this urge.

"I don't know what more you want to talk about. We have talked about this so many times I can recite all our conversations word for word. I don't see either of our minds changing and frankly, I do not want to keep having the same argument over and over again. And because of that, you know this is the way it has to be between us." I say quietly, weary, but with resignation of the situation.

"Harry, please."

"I can't, Draco. I want a family and you don't. You explicitly told me so. You know about my childhood and you know how important family is to me. You knew when dating me before we bonded that I wanted children and my own family to call my own. You knew and still bonded with me knowing you didn't want children. Why? Why would you do that to me? I love you and I know you love me but it's not enough. I want the joys and the sorrow children will bring me. I want the opportunity to give a child the childhood I was denied. I want the laugh and smiles. I want the tears and snot nosed babies keeping me up at night and never-ending feedings. I want to watch my child grow up and become this wonderful witch or wizard I raised it to be. I wanted to do all of those things with you, Draco."

"I am sorry, Harry. I truly am sorry. I can't be a father, I just can't. I don't want to be like my father and I am too much like him to be a father to a child. I don't want the child to subjected to the type of childhood that I went through. I'm scared I'll be like my father was. I love you, Harry, but to have children…" Draco trails off with tears streaming down his face steadily at this point.

I cannot help myself and bring my hand up to wipe away his tears. I cradle his cheek in my palm and a run my thumb under his eye, soothing it.

"You are not your father, Draco. You are kind-hearted and generous. You are comical, witty, and sarcastic. You take care of me when I am sick without complaining and you make me dinner after a long day at the apothecary without complaint. You have the utmost patience with me when I am being bratty and you support me in everything I do even if I am wrong sometimes." I am now cupping both of his cheeks with my hands now, dashing away the tears that keep coming with a small smile on my face, a genuine smile this time and continue, "You are not your father, Draco. Your father would never do any of those things for your mother and it is a lonely life for the both of them. We have a lively life, full of laughs and smiles and lots of love. You would make a wonderful father and our child would love you, Draco, your heart is so pure and I know you are scared of being your father but you are nothing like him. I do not believe you would ever harm a child and I know you go out of your way to help any child in need. And, I would hex you first before I would ever let you lay a hand on our child, Draco. You don't have anything to be scared of, love. I'll be there with you the whole way and we will do this together." I am crying full blast by this time and Draco brings his hand up to cradle my face also, wiping my tears away with a sad, wishful smile on his face.

"I love you, Harry. I do want a family with you but I am scared, love, I really am scared." Draco says with a shiver.

I get off of the stool I am on and grab Draco and hug him to me tight, both of our arms are around one another. I missed him very much and it feels like home being in his arms. I never want to let go.

I whisper in his ear, "I am right here with you, love. We can do this together and it will be worth it. You will love being a father and you will do wonderfully, never doubt that. I love you." I finish and kiss behind his ear, his favorite spot.

"I love you too, my love." Draco responds with a raspy voice that I know is from crying.

I pull back from Draco but do not let him go, afraid I will lose him again.

"Are we doing this?" I ask Draco.

"Yes, love."

"For real, yes?"

"Yes, love, for real. As long as I have you by my side, I know everything will work out."

I pull Draco closer and kiss him until we needed to breathe. We pull back from each other, smiling wide and not letting each other go.

"Take me home, Draco. I miss our bed and your warmth and love. Let's go home."

"Let's go home, love." Draco moves away, takes my hand and directs me towards the door. We walk out of the gala with huge smiles on our faces and our arms around each other.

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